Anyway, the opening of the show had some nice shots of local landmarks, but it didn't feel or look like a proper TV show. To me, it almost seemed like something made by students for a uni project. If it actually was made by students, they'd probably be better just admitting that now because they'd be cut a bit of slack if they just went sorry everyone it's not meant for telly it's just something we did for uni. Then they could go and collect their desmond and everyone would be happy. Everyone loved that Scouse GTA that was made by students and in that they blew up the Mersey Ferry, but it probably helped that they had a half naked worldy doing it like.
They just jump straight into the story on this without any background, but you can't really call it a story to be fair. One of the first things they show just blows it up as jarg straight away though. Get on this van the fella drives in it:
In a programme called This Is Liverpool, they've got to assume that a lot of people watching it are going to be from Liverpool. And straight away they go with a van that says "West Wallasey". And Everyone in Liverpool is going to know that's on the fucking Wirral. Which is not Liverpool. Not only that, but it's also a hire van. If this fellas a grafter why does he have a hire van and not his own? They lose the realism in the first scene. Well to be fair, they actually lose the realism before this, because the fella in the van overtakes the other one jogging but the one jogging still manages to get to his house before the van and be ready for work by the time the van arrives.
Scouse me lad
Tony (lad being picked up by van) has the honour of of the first one to one with the camera in This Is Liverpool, and he pretty much sets the premise for the entire show right here. Being angry with someone. Basically every little personal scene they do like this is someone being angry about someone else, and most of the time it's over nothing. Like in this bit, he's fuming with the fella who gives him a lift to work for having a go about making them late. He's giving you a lift to work you selfish twat.
In the next bit there's some more fantastic character introduction, as we get to see a man disguised as a woman getting a spray tan.
I go naked for my spray tans
This is basically shown so birds can go on about how boss it's body is. I don't get why birds buzz off that Chelsey Harwood you know, I think they see her as someone who speaks their mind or speaks for them or something, to be honest I don't even know but I genuinely just think she chats shit and is proper annoying. Even though it was funny when she said Brendan Rodgers fucked her fake fanny.
Fair play to this fella, he grasses Tony up straight away for the reason that they're late for work
But that just leads to the next question of why are they working for this girl:
I'm going to be original and be angry with someone here
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying they can't work for a bird, but some explanation as to what her job is would have been nice. All she does to set her character is make extended references to "me site" so we know it is in fact her site, but god knows why. Then Tony gets another bit of personal camera time, and this time he's angry at "our Tammy". According to This Is Liverpool, everyone in Liverpool either knows or is related to one another, but they're all angry with each other. The amount of forced conflicts in this are a joke.
Tony starts talking with his mate who picked him up, who he's angry with remember, about going the races. They must have been short on ideas for this show if on the first episode they landed on the races. If I had to pick a favourite character from this it would be Tony's mate you know, he's not angry with anyone he just takes the piss, and he called a suit a "whistle" (whistle and flute) and I love a bit of rhyme slang.
Tony tells his mate that he's never worn a suit before, and I'm not messing Tony must be about 30
High vis, hard hat, building site. My character is salt of the earth scouser
Like I think they're trying to pass him off in this as some young apprentice kid, but I'm not buying it. Look at that picture or the one of him in his one to one with the camera and it's even more obvious that he's definitely about 30. And what I'm saying is if you're a scouser of about 30 years old and you've never had to wear a suit to work, or a job interview (or to court) you will have at least been the races once. If you haven't you're a wool.
Tammy is so angry with "our Tony" that she's off for a liquid lunch. "I'm off to get pissed." Just in the middle of the day like.
Yer wha? Gerrof me site
I'm not messing, Tammy turns up on site in her best suit, make up done, and pissed. It's okay though she's wearing a hard hat. Seriously, if this was on telly and the rest of the country was watching it they'd be thinking no wonder the government doesn't give them any fucking funding when they've got her doing the building work. Tellin ya.
The next character we meet is Tatum. Apparently Tatum is a real name. If her friends don't call her Tatum Pole they've missed a trick. This is only like three and a half minutes into the show, and I think they've already ran out of ideas, because in Tatum's personal camera time she's already angry with Chelsey and there hasn't even been an explanation why. Genuinely if you watch it everyone is just angry with everyone and that's the only point of the show.
When Chelsey gets her own little bit to the camera, she doesn't even get a name tag.
Should I admit that I've seen a photo of her fake fanny?
I think they must just expect us to know who she is, because to be fair she did get famous off just ranting on camera like this. She's angry with Tatum by the way. I've got nothing against gays or transgender people or whatever, but I do have a problem with bellends and annoying people, and if someone fits into the second category it doesn't matter if they fit into the first category as well I'll terror them.
Speaking of which... Tammy's gone for her liquid lunch, and here we meet this gay:
Wouldn't be a true reflection of Liverpool without a scouse gay though
Straight off this fella was doing me head in. Again, nothing to do with the fact he was gay, but because he had this proper annoying twitch of his eyes. Even though there is a temptation to make a gay joke when questioning how he got said twitch.
Apparently that fella teaches hot yoga, but one of the other annoying things I've noticed about him apart from his twitch is that he has disproportionately skinny arms to the rest of him. I said on twitter when I was watching it that he looks like how I used to draw people as a kid. So as a comparison, here's how I used to draw people as a kid:
And here's him:
The resemblance is uncanny. He forgot arm day at the gym. He's not really a good advert for hot yoga to be honest. By the way, he's angry with Chelsey, and Chelsey's angry with him. I'm starting to lose track of who's angry with who. Tony's angry with his mate and Tammy. Tammy's angry with Tony. Tatum's angry with Chelsey. Chelsey's angry with Tatum and gay fella. Gay fella's angry with Chelsey. The twisting and turning sub plots in this storyline are sensational.
This bint has a rented Range Rover and she's parked it on double yellows half on the pavement:
That's all you need to know about her. To be fair at this point they do leave her pretty unexplained, even if they are going to extended lengths to present her as rich. They edit it to look as if she's got out her car and walked straight into Cricket, but I'm pretty sure where she's parked there isn't by Cricket.
Even though Tony has already been told off for being late for work, he decides it's a good idea to go to Moss on Bold Street and buy his races suit when he's meant to be in work. But that's okay, because it leads to this fantastic image. Just bask in the glory for one minute of a 30 year old fella pretending to be a kid wearing a Ralph Lauren t shirt, footy shorts and 110s. This is Liverpool:
Tammy's Converse, suit and hard hat look, all whilst we're to assume she's actually pissed, isn't bad either.
What follows now is probably the highlight of the show. If the first half set the scene for everyone being angry with each other, the second half is where they actually argue. The argument between Tammy and Tony is boss, he's not happy because she's having a go at him in front of the "workies" then she bars him off site (remember everyone, we don't know what she does but it's her site) which leads Tony to kick off like he wants a scrap opening his arms going "who the fuck are you talking to!" Then Tony gets had off by a bird.
"I'm fucking speaking to you! Gerrof me site!"
Remember everyone, it's her site. It's proper funny then, because his mate (apparently his name's Paul by the way) takes the piss out of him for getting sacked and goes "toodaloo" then Tony goes to the camera "Who the fuck does he think he is? Toodaloo, I'll fucking toodaloo him." If that was scripted that's fucking brilliant.
This birds finished her shop in Cricket, and they're still trying to make out she's proper rich and I still don't know why. Now they're showing off her house:
Probably rented, like everything else worth a bit of money in this programme.
The next new character is "our Keely", because they all know each other or are related remember. Apparently Keely's fella is going to be a big surprise when she tells them. I proper hope they've got some jarg Z-lister in to be her fella you know. To be fair to Keely she is half decent like, they showed her driving a Jag that looked proper unnatural though, definitely rented again.
You know what I said right at the start of this about them losing the realism? Well every bar they go to is empty. That's not real at all, they could have at least got a few people in the background.
On the next bit they're in another bar. You know how they all know each other but are angry at each other? Well that makes a perfect situation for conflict if they all go out for a bevvy together doesn't it. Again, they didn't hire any extras to make the bar look realistic, but they did get one extra, they got someone to play Chelsey Harwood's fella. He's definitely an actor, and not a very good one either. And he doesn't know she's a man, which is just the easiest way they could have taken the story isn't it. Chelsey has a fella who doesn't know she's a fella. She's met up for a drink with the skinny armed gay who she fell out with earlier in the episode, so naturally they kick off, and Chelsey's fella steps in for his "bird"
It's been suggested that if this was real life the gay fella wouldn't be squaring up to him, but I'd disagree with that. Scouse gays will kick off on anyone, they're fucking ruthless. He has got unnaturally thin arms though. His best moment of the show comes after this though, when Chelsey and her fella are leaving and he goes "see ya later lads." Thought that was quite funny myself.
Everything in this happens "the next day..." and the next day after this is the races. And you know how Tony was angry with his mate Paul? Well he's going the races with him now
Basically every character on the show is out together for the races, you see them all here in another empty bar. There's not a chance in a million years this happened on races day:
Paul getting in with his boss there
You know how I said they were going the races... well have you ever done that thing were you buy your races ticket, buy a new suit, get proper excited for it, get suited and booted... then go and watch the races on telly in an empty bar? No, me neither. That's what these lads did though, top scousers
Tony's had his eye on this bird all day, and he tells us that she'll be going home with him. Then we see him chatting to her. She's not arsed that there's a camera right there watching it all. She's going to Mallorca at the end of April for the opening parties and Tony thinks this is boss. Fuck me. In a way I'm quite glad they never went with the stereotypical Marbella shout though. Tony's only just met this bird, and he invites himself on holiday with her, he's like "I'll ask a few of the lads if they want to come like." This is a fella who's just been sacked by the way. When the bird says she's getting off Tony says he'll stay in hers and she basically just goes "oh come on then." Dear rest of the country, Liverpool girls are slags, sincerely, This Is Liverpool. Come on you can't do that to the girl it's a bit harsh like.
That's what they finish with. Tony going to get his end away. So in three days Tony has been late for work twice, been sacked, looked forward to the races, bought a suit, not gone the races, and pulled a bird in an empty bar. And it's called This Is Liverpool.
I still think that if they hadn't of called the show "This Is Liverpool" no one would have been that arsed about it. It's just the fact that they're trying to say this is definitive of what we are. If they'd just called it "Some Kids From Liverpool" or just anything really, it probably wouldn't have got such a bad reception.
I'm surprised they got one episode out, but at the end of it we see these dreaded words:
I'm not doing another blog though
To be fair the next episode looks like it brings the entertainment. We get Chelsey's tearful confession that she's actually a man. Her fellas reaction should be priceless except he can't act. And also we get to see what seems to be some top girl on girl action. Which is sound
Were these two in the first episode?
And it looks like they do actually all go to Mallorca as well. We're only on the second episode of This Is Liverpool and already they aren't in Liverpool any more. Also, Tony has had a massive argument with Tammy, and here she is in Mallorca. Should be interesting...
Basically everything that's happening on the next episode is arguments. In all honesty this would be terrible television no matter where it was set. But to conclude I'll repeat what I've said earlier on, This Is Liverpool summed up is everyone either knows or is related to everyone and they're all angry with each other. Anyway I hope everyone enjoyed this blog because it took me ages. All the best.
@adamheath
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